Ho ho ho-ly credit card bill

Jessica Wallace– Arts and Entertainment Editor

Over the holidays, Santa came, sipped on some organic soy milk, ate some preservative enriched MSG flavoured cookies and realized: “Everyone already has everything!”

Santa has been running low on ideas for presents, and this year he had to get creative.
Perhaps it’s because we not only have that teddy bear, we have him in every colour.
We not only have that television set, we have it in every room!
Boys and girls from everywhere wrote letters to Santa asking him to please quit bringing last years best DVD when they already have it collecting dust on Blu-ray.
There is a lot of pressure at the North Pole these days.

With kids having everything, Santa and his team of marketing elves had to get original.

Winter Trax were in all of the stockings this year.  Winter Trax “give you the ability to walk confidently on packed snow and ice”.  A one-size-fits-all gift left Santa’s little elves pumping them out like a sweatshop this holiday season.  These shoe grip enhancers clip onto the bottoms of your shoes and even work on high heels.
Just make sure to match the chrome bits with the jewelry that you’re wearing that evening.
Snuggies were unwrapped by all in different colours, patterns, and sports teams.
A blanket with sleeves—because who wants another regular blanket?

Santa’s also brought his newest game Cuponk.

It is essentially a ping pong ball being thrown into a cup or several cups in a variety of different ways.  Santa is training children at a young age to fit in at college by teaching them Beer Pong without them even knowing it!

This is a gift that will stand the test of time. On the downside, the next generation of Beer Pongers may be out of my league.

Finally, for the really good kids, Santa brought the Xbox Kinect.  Santa thought long and hard when designing this new toy.  Not only do boys and girls get to enjoy the entertainment value of being the remote control of video games, Santa can also watch boys and girls all over the world to see whether they are being naughty or nice with the built in camera and face recognition!

I wonder if Santa’s big brother helped him with this idea.

Although Santa is pleased that all of his new toys were a great hit in 2010, he is happy that the holidays are over so that he may start working off his credit card debt with his two other seasonal jobs.

Arts & Entertainment Editor, Jessica Wallace, gets cozy under her favorite Christmas gift. ---Photo by Matthew Wallace